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12 Things Not To Do After A Breakup

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After a breakup, it is so easy to feel depressed and alone, especially when the activities of your everyday life have been woven around that individual. Breakups can be so hard and they can be amicable. No matter what, no one really wants to go through them.

The loss of your relationship can bring about intense heartaches and stress. It is however imperative that you take matters into your hands and pull yourself back together as quickly as possible. You have to realize that you existed before the individual came into your life and, while breakups are traumatic, you can move on and create a new life for yourself and return to the person you want to be.

Note that before going on to read this article, you should be very sure you are not going back to your ex, with the determination to move on with your life.

The following dont's would be more useful to the ladies who are seen in the Nigerian society and worldwide as a matter of fact, as the more emotional sex. If you are looking for some help getting through the agonizing after-breakup period, read on.

DON'T:

  1. Think about it over and over: Understand that the both of you enjoyed being together while it lasted, but if the relationship was not what you wanted for life, then the sooner the breakup, the better so that you can focus on what you really want and need. Thinking about the reasons why it ended can make it clearer to you and may also avoid mistakes in the future. What you should not do however is thinking about it obsessively because this leads to even more depression. You keep thinking and wondering who they are with, if they miss you, and searching in the past for signs that the breakup was on its way. You don't want to make the same mistakes again that you made in your last relationship, hence you have to think about what went wrong and how you contributed. If you fail to figure it out, you would probably make the same mistakes again in future. What you should be spending time figuring out is a) What you want and b) what kind of behaviour you engaged in before that didn't work. Thinking about your past relationship obsessively and without objective is one self-destructive habit that might ruin your chances of meeting someone better.
  2. Re-think your decision: If the breakup was your decision and one you thoroughly and objectively thought through before stepping out, then do not re-think your decision after the breakup. Keep in mind that only thinking about the good times you had with your ex might wheel you back to him/her again. At the same time, try not to re-think the situation if the breakup was not your idea. The case of giving excuses for that person and thinking that he/she could change, or that what they did wasn't that bad afterall will come up. Don't fall for it.
  3. Use Social media as your avenue to release emotion: Repeat after me "FACEBOOK IS NOT MY DIARY"! You can say it as many times as possible so it sinks in. Do not tell the whole world through social networks how you feel on a daily basis through your updates. Do not also be quick to change your relationship status. Make sure you are NOT going back before doing so.
  4. Keep monitoring your Ex: Learn to keep that space between yourself and your ex. Cut off immediately with no excuses. Do not give yourself excuses or reasons to see them. This should be until you are sure you can relate with them with no ulterior motive (of which trying to get them to miss you or come back is one) and on a totally platonic level. If they want to see you, insist on not seeing them. If ever an inevitable situation arises (such as packing out if you were living together;them coming to see the kids if you have any,etc), keep it short, reasonable, and civil. Bugging your ex with calls, texts and IMs will only reduce your integrity, especially if you are ignored. Do not go through their social media obsessively to see what they are up to or if they have found somebody new. Just let them be!
  5. Hate your Ex: While struggling to get over your feelings for your ex, the temptation to hate is always there. It is not easy getting over the hate phase but you made the determination earlier on to get on with your life smoothly, and so you have to consciously avoid hatred. You had a relationship together and it's over but that does not make you enemies. In as much as you need to keep your head straight, do not take the seemingly easy option of hatred.
  6. Hate yourself: You might be tempted to develop some complex and look down on yourself, especially if the decision to break up was not yours. Everyone has suffered rejection at some point in their lives. You won't be the first, neither will you be the last to suffer such. So do not look down on yourself. For every one person that does not want you, there are a thousand more that will cherish you if only you give them the chance, hence the need to quickly drain out bad blood and ideologies and move on with the wonderful life that you have.
  7. Hate their new partner: There is no need to get obsessed over the new spouse your Ex has chosen. It is not their fault (well, probably not) that your relationship with them did not work out. So take responsibility for your actions, knowing what your contribution to the failed relationship was. I repeat, just let them be! GET A LIFE!
  8. Jump into another relationship: Everyone copes with breakups in different ways, but give yourself time to heal. Do not jump into a relationship with the next person that shows up. Using someone else to get over the hurt you feel from the past would only cause more hurt and pain because such relationship may hardly last. 
  9. Try to get back at them: There is no need trying to get back at your Ex. Don't date their friends, bad mouth them or try to destroy their new relationship just to get even. Be mature about the whole situation and move on.
  10. Be scared of getting rid of the old: This is a good time for you to make resolutions, get rid of old habits and try out new things. Also, you could clean up your apartment by getting rid of some old and unwanted things and getting new ones. Another way of sweeping out trash from your life is making new friends, engaging in new sports and/or activities, as well as changing the setting of your apartment by re-arranging, repainting, and so on.
  11. Keep memory triggers: There are so many things that could remind you of your ex. How depressing it feels when you hear a favorite song of his or perceive her perfume or you go to that cafe or eatery you guys normally go together. Try as much as possible to get rid of things that trigger the memories of your past relationship. Walk around your house and get rid of those items that give you nostalgic feelings of your Ex. If there's a wristwatch, pair of shoes, bracelet, or any object or gift they gave you in the past that makes your stomach churn, you should hide it from your site. You could probably put them in a big box and keep them away and/hidden till you are sure that your emotions are totally healed.
  12. Get jealous of your friends' relationships: There is a saying that you cannot attract what you do not celebrate. A lot of jealous people are actually unhappy people who do not really mean to be jealous. The question: "how come their life is coming together and mine isn't?" keeps popping out in your mind when you see your friends so happy with their spouses, especially if they found their partners after you got into your own relationship or you were instrumental in getting them together. It is not strange, however, this can plunge you into a depressive state and turn you into a jealous monster, which might in turn cause your friends to stay away from you if you do not learn how to manage yourself. We all want love, happiness, and excitement in our lives. However, while you wait for yours, do other things and keep an open, hopeful and positive mind.

Like I said earlier, you won't be the first, neither will you be the last to experience a breakup. But do not pause or halt your life and the activities in it just because he/she left. You existed comfortably before them, and you can make it through whether they are there or not. Forge ahead, let nothing weigh you down, never be afraid to love again and always give another person a fair chance.

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